Miscommunication.. Between genders

Since we are at the topic of miscommunication. The way men and women communicate is different too. Especially when there is a problem.

Men don't talk about their problems  We try and solve it. So men tend to keep quiet and think about their problems and how to solve it. And the last thing men needs is the women to them and ask, 'whats wrong?'... Men will tend to say 'nothing' to a question like that, because we do not discuss problems. Women will aggravate the situation by asking 'you got problem right? Why you not telling me? The problem is me right??...' sigh, now it is.....

You see, women tend to discuss problems. They do it when they meet each other, they do it when they meet men friends, they do it when they go to toilet together...ok ok I don't know about the last one, but I know they love to go toilet together.

Because of that women cannot phantome that men can keep their problems to themselves. Because women cannot. They talk about problems and most of the time do not expect a solution. But another problem with men is they tend to want to offer solutions.

Imagine the very familiar conversation between a husband and wife or girlfriend and boyfriend.

Boy friend pick up girl friend from work.. girl friend gets into car.. girl friend starts complaining about her colleague: you know ah that bitch in the office talk so loud over the phone like her grandfather office. She is oblivious... (continues with complaining about colleague). After sometime, boyfriend will tell her: relax la.. just don't bother about her lor, you get so worked up now worth it meh? Just chill.

Silence will usually ensue..

In the head of men, they will feel shiok he have helped her solve her problems not knowing it is the beginning of a black hole opening up.

In the head of women, they will be thinking, you know what I am going through meh? You also not me. Men never understand, I don't want to talk to him again!

Girl friend calls friend to complain how boy friend don't understand her. Also complains about colleague.. she feels better..

Next day girl friend forgets about not wanting to talk to boyfriend. Boy friend pick girl friend, girl friend start complaining again. Boyfriend try and solve problem: told you yesterday no need to bother about this kinda people right?

Silence... bigger black hole..

Eventually when boy friend picks up girl friend from work, girlfriend get into car.. silence.. and the silence becomes deafening.. beginning of the end...

Men (you, yes you), women need a listening ear, so just listen. Fight with all your might the urge to offer your solution. Give only when asked.. don't try and solve her problem. I use to think that was enough.. but actually they want acknowledgements too.

Example:

If wife / girlfriend complaining about colleague, answer with: ya lor, why got people like that one (shake head).. be aware that your body language and tones is congruent with what you are saying... women picks up non verbal communication surprisingly well. And now you know why you cannot lie to your mother.. she seems to know all the time.

Women (yes you in the dress), just leave the men be.. they will tell you their problems eventually. And its not you. And don't be surprise if men tells you they are thinking of nothing... they are capable of that.. if you ask them what they talked over coffee with their guy friends the past few hours, don't be surprise they will say nothing.. and if there are juicy gossips don't be surprise they don't know the details, they don't.. honestly, I know...